Alone Without Him
by Somnia
Summary: Short story on what goes through Maximus' wife's head when he is gone. It is set sometime before Gladiator, when their son is still a baby. It was one of those sudden flashes of inspiration. It also came in the middle of the night, like the last Gladiator


Disclaimer: Gladiator and all the characters belong to Ridley Scott. I am basically borrowing them, and I will make no profit from any of my work.  
  
Short story on what goes through Maximus' wife's head when he is gone. It is set sometime before Gladiator, when their son is still a baby. It was one of those sudden flashes of inspiration. It also came in the middle of the night, like the last Gladiator story I wrote. Feedback is appreciated.  
  
  
  
Alone and without you  
  
  
  
I wake once more and lament the loss of your arms around me as I sleep. Our bed is cold and empty and I feel alone without you, my love. I have not been afraid of the dark for many years, but now it seems to surround me, closing in on me, bearing down.  
I think about waking my handmaiden Helena and ordering her to light the lamps, but I will not. She must sleep, even if I can't. She will, no doubt be tierd after today's events.  
I step out of our bed, making the sheets rustle and cross over towards the large balcony. The light gauzy curtains move slightly in the warm night breeze, and I part them and walk to the edge of the balcony, leaning over the edge so far that my head rushes and I have to step back. I gaze out across the landscape. I will tell of what I see.   
Below me I can faintly see the outline of our garden, the scent of jasmine drifts through the air, and into our room as it always has. It reminds me of the long nights spent with you. Those heaven-filled nights of pleasure and love when time seemed to stop and you held me in your arms for an eternity. How I wish it could have been forever, my love.  
Glancing down I can see the ivy that trails across the stonework of our house. You said once that you would cut it down, but you never did. I was glad, it was part of the place I had fallen in love with. The large white flowers that also share our balcony are asleep, their nodding heads ghostly white in the moonlight. It is strange how the moonlight makes everything look so pale, even my arms, which are browned by the sun. It makes my hair look even darker in contrast.  
The same sun that shines in Hispana and tans my skin shines on you in far off Germania. I am jealous then, of the sun and of themoon, because they see you, and I don't.   
Beyond the garden lie the stables. I can see my mare, Diablo in her stall, softly munching at the hay. Her gray coat shines silver in the moonlight. Do you remember the day you gave her to me, my love? It was our wedding day. I remember thinking she looked like Pegasus, the flying horse that my sisters told me stories about when I was young. I told you then that she was the best present that you could have given me. But I was wrong. You gave me motherhood, you gave me our tiny son, Marcus.  
As if he could hear my thoughts, our son has awoken and is crying for me. I walk back into our bedroom and pick him up out of his cradle. I carry him back out onto the balcony and rock him gently. He stops crying and smiles at me, a sweet little baby smile, as if the whole world was perfect. He nuzzles at my chest, to tell me that he's hungry, that he wants to be fed. Holding him in one arm, I use the other to open my nightdress and I let him take my breast. He does not suckle for long. Perhaps he was not really hungry, maybe he just needed to be comforted, to feel his mother's presence. Maybe he knew that I was lonely, that I needed to see my baby. I wrap the tunica back around me and let him fall slowly asleep in my arms.  
Beyond the stables the hills of Tujillo sweep majestically upwards. We used to ride across them, Maximus, you and I, Diablo and Argento flying faster than even Pegasus himself could have done. Do you remember when we made love in the meadows, under the stars, far, far away from the rest of the world? It all seems so far away now, like a dream.  
Above the hills I see the stars, shimmering and shining like they will for all eternity. Do you see the same stars in Germania, or are even the constellations different in that far away, barbabric place? I send my love up to the heavenly lights I see, in case you are looking at them too, in case they find a way to speak to you, to tell you how much I miss you, how much I want you to come back...  
I dreamt of you last night. You were in a faraway place, a strange place to me. Snow was falling slowly, settling only to be covered by blood. Many people were suffering, dying. Romans and barbaric Germans alike. You were so different to me, my love, covered in blood and dirt and snow. I would rather you were here, in the sunshine, with me and our son.  
But I have been outside on our balcony for too long. Marcus is shivering as the first cold of dawn creeps over Hispania, and so am I. I send one final kiss to you over the hills. I walk back into the room. It is not so dark, and I feel safe as I climb back into bed, this time with our son. I cradle him in my arms as I begin to dream of when you will come back to me.  
Just let it be soon, my love.  
  
  
  
  
I'd just like to say thank you to everyone for the great feedback I got from my last story. It was really helpful. Please review this one too! But be nice. Also tell me if I got anything historically wrong. It should be OK, I've studied Classics and Latin for the past two years, but you never know... Same for grammar and spelling.  



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